


A bit carried away

by Cereal_at_2am



Series: The trees look different at night [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Depressed Deceit | Janus Sanders, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mild Self-Hatred, Not Beta Read, Scars, don't worry they don't let him stay there for too long, janus being too aware of his appearence sometimes, tell me if i forget to tag anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:42:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28836516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cereal_at_2am/pseuds/Cereal_at_2am
Summary: He can't look away sometimes.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: The trees look different at night [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2109405
Kudos: 39





	A bit carried away

It's the shower when he feels it again. When he steps out of it and walks in front of the mirror.

It's when he sees his own reflection. And his scars.  
Janus doesn't know why it bothered him today of all days, when he was doing just fine before. 

He can't help but take a closer look, analyzing his appearence, eyes never leaving the mirror. 

It's not his scales that catch his attention, it was never his scales. Because it's the one thing that made him special, something he could be proud of.  
And he loved his scales, they were beautiful.

It was his scars that made him stare.

The scars on his stomach make him nauseaus. The scars on his thighs make him weak and he fights with himself not to collapse onto the floor. The scars on his arms make it hard to breathe, and hard to look away. 

He feels like a car crash. 

There are eye bags and wrinkles in his face, evidence of sleepless nights and stress. It almost makes his heart pick up out of habit and Janus tries to fight it away. 

There is a knock on the bathroom door. His ears can't decide if the sound is muffled and far away, or to loud and right next to him. 

Janus feels the air around him getting colder, and with habitual and familiar motions, he grabs his clothes to cover himself. Hide himself. 

The knock comes again, definitely louder this time. A part of him supplies Janus with the memory that they check on him every hour now. 

But he is dressed now, although still a bit wet. Drying off costs too much energy, apparently.  
The door isn't locked, and if he doesn't answer by the third knock, whoever was out there could just walk in.  
And they did. 

_Huh, must not have heard the last one._

Janus managed to pry his gaze from his reflection, finally breaking eye contact with himself, to look over to the door. 

Standing there, with just the slightest bit of visible nervousness, was Logan. 

Without much hesitation, he walked over to the snake-like side to give him a short examination, before taking his hand, leading him out of the bathroom and thus, away from his reflection. 

Janus thinks he wouldn't have moved on his own, and he manages to be grateful. Logan let's him go again in the hallway. 

"Patton is starting to prepare dinner and was wondering if you'd like to join him." 

Offering a distraction. Keep his mind and body focused on a task. 

Janus nods, anything to make him not think about himself right now. 

Logan faintly smiles then, relief maybe.  
They make their way down to the kitchen, where Roman and Virgil were already waiting.  
They seemed tense, he could guess why. 

Janus doesn't know how long he was in there, just that his hair was still damp. 

The evening continued normally, with a game of mario kart to round up the day. It was pleasent, nice. 

Janus wonders briefly why he ever wanted to leave, before remembering that he didn't have this before.  
He shakes the past out of his head like a foul thought. 

Remus elbowed him then, and for the first time today, Janus allowed himself to genuinely smile. 

When he walked back into the bathroom the next morning, the mirror was gone.


End file.
